Altered Perceptions
by SeptinaStar
Summary: The Sentinel, minor crossover with Stargate SG-1. Blair gets an unusual punishment after the events in Sentinel too, part 2. Give it a chance, ok? I now accept anon reviews! I plan to change this to make it more understandable.


Altered Perceptions  
  
Disclaimer: I own nothing.  
  
Author's Notes: Forgive the business like tone, I just want to make sure I cover everything.  
  
1.) The Sentinel in my universe started after the year 2025, so no big blocks as cell phones.  
  
2.) The SGC is run by Major General Samantha Carter-who is involved with Martouf (the Tok'Ra who died back in the ep. "Divide and Conquer" but not in my world). I am not a Sam/Jack fan.  
  
3.) Blair has a doctorate in linguistics because I could do that.  
  
4.) Jack and Daniel are not here. Jack's gone to live with the Asgard. Daniel is living on Abydos-which was not destroyed-with Shau're.  
  
5.) This is a one shot, just because I like Blair the way he was before my story messed with him. This was just an idea that wouldn't leave me alone. It takes place after "Sentinel, Too, part 2".  
  
6.) Jim and Blair love each other very much, just not like that, though I have no problem with that life style.  
  
7.) You probably don't need much of a working knowledge of either show to enjoy this piece, though some knowledge is a good thing. I'm new to "The Sentinel", though I have watched "Stargate SG-1" for a few years.  
  
***  
  
Blair stood in the center of a bright light. Around him was a thick darkness he could barely see through. It was cold and he shivered instinctively.  
  
"You have betrayed him."  
  
"I know," he responded to the disembodied voice. He wished he could see something to orient himself, this was a torturous limbo that he couldn't associate comfortably with.  
  
"Betraying your sentinel when he is your one is a serious crime, one you knew of but ignored in your selfish quest for knowledge."  
  
Blair's head bowed in shame, accepting the words that poured over his curly head.  
  
"You agreed to the conditions set before you when you became his partner. Even though you helped him in the end it does not undo what you have done. You tried to serve two masters and betrayed him. A guide serves only one." This was another, sterner voice.  
  
It was like fire. Flames shot through his body, burning him within its grip. Every nerve ending was alive with torturous heat. Bones seemed to melt and change. His skin boiled and ripped. He gasped, falling to his knees, unable to withstand the pain any longer. A scream tore from the deepest part of him as he felt an agony unlike any he'd ever experienced.  
  
"The bond is broken. Accept your fate."  
  
"What has been done cannot be undone. Live your punishment with dignity, Blair Sandburg, you have much yet to do."  
  
Blair shot up from the reclining position, the desk before the student reflected a new image and it shocked the blue eyes. Trembling hands ran down the unfamiliar form, feeling curves he'd never felt on himself before. Reality sank in quickly.  
  
"I'm a woman," he whispered before losing consciousness once again. But this state didn't last long and Blair woke up, giving a mental slap to him, err, herself. That's going to take some getting used to, Blair thought with a slight twist of the lips.  
  
She repressed the hysterical laughter that tried to fight its way to the surface. "No, now is not the time. I must get going before anything happens to give me away."  
  
The first thing to do is get my stuff out of Jim's, no wait, that's not an option. I never moved back in. We only got back from Mexico a few hours ago, then this happened. I won't think about this right now, I've got to plan-and I do need to stop by the loft to drop off my key and my thesis.  
  
Okay, what I need to do is arrange for my disappearance until I know what to do. The problem is, Jim knows me. He knows my abilities and the way I think, so where does that leave me?  
  
The first thing I need to do is hand in my resignation and turn in my observer's badge. Then get my stuff out of Major Crimes. Checking the clock alongside the mental one Blair had made, she noted that it would be slow in the office. No one would catch her if she were careful and quick.  
  
No one was there and she sighed in relief. Blair sat at Jim's desk and stared at his computer, agonizing over this decision. She'd already exposed and destroyed everything about except for this. With a determined nod, she printed it off.  
  
Closing her eyes, she took a few deep breaths and centered herself. She needed to write a note to free Jim from the burden of caring for one Blair Sandburg.  
  
Jim, do I even have the right to call you that anymore?  
  
You were right. You need a partner you can trust. I was foolish to think that I could be that person. Please, don't bury your abilities because of me and what happened, they are needed so much.  
  
My dissertation is yours. After what I put you through, you deserve it. If you don't because it brings up to many bad memories, feel free to destroy it. You will have the only copy, I can be as thorough in destroying my work as I am in researching it. I should never have done this to you. You deserve so much more. I was wrong.  
  
Don't look for me, you won't find me. I'll be all right, I've learned so much from you about avoiding trouble. You're probably thinking, sure, but I did. I will be careful, you no longer need to watch my back.  
  
I can only hope that one day you will be able to forgive me for what I've put you through.  
  
Blair J. Sandburg  
  
Standing in the loft, Blair looked around once more at the place that had symbolized more than home for the last three years. Placing the envelope down on the desk, she walked out and left her key on the table.  
  
**  
  
Jim walked into his loft and stopped, there was a scent of deep sorrow that permeated the room. Not to mention that Sandburg's things were no where to be seen. Odd, he should have had enough time to restore the place to its rightful condition, Jim mused.  
  
That's when it hit him. The scent of sadness was Blair's. But there was no sound that he was home. No sign that he'd even been there since the day he'd tossed him out on his ear without so much as an explanation.  
  
But it was more than that. Everything that screamed out "Blair is home", was silent. There was no sense of homecoming. The room was in a pre-Blair state. A stillness that once he welcomed, bothered him because it was wrong now.  
  
The place was eerie in its quiet loneliness.  
  
Upon moving farther into the room, his eye caught sight on an envelope on the desk. His name, a dark red stain against the snowy whiteness.  
  
"Blair?" he called, hoping that his senses were still messed up after that Alex Barnes affair.  
  
Nothing.  
  
Not even a hint of annoying tribal drums.  
  
With a sigh, he sat down on the couch and opened the envelope. May be he'd just been delayed at the school, there would've been serious repercussions after his de...accident in the fountain. The thick packet fell into his lap and he recognized it even as a short letter drifted slowly down to the floor aimlessly.  
  
He bent down and picked it up, feeling something settle and make a home in his gut. There was something creepy about the fact that he knew what it would say before he even opened it. But he read it anyway.  
  
The opening made him smile, it was so typically Blair to wonder where he stood with him after a fight like theirs. The rest of the letter sobered him quickly and stole the peace he'd felt at recognizing Blair's scent, though it was a little spicier than normal.  
  
"Oh, Chief," he sighed before tossing the dissertation aside without thought. It didn't matter as much as Blair did. He was out there somewhere and hurting. It wasn't right that his friend was taking full blame for what had happened. They had both made some mistakes. And Blair had come through for him when he needed him most.  
  
"Let it go. Blair is gone."  
  
"Incacha," Jim was surprised to see him in the living room.  
  
"Blair Sandburg was wrong. Blair must live with the consequences."  
  
"We were both wrong. Blair is my friend and should not bear that burden alone."  
  
"He is no longer as you knew him."  
  
Jim shrugged, "he's Blair."  
  
Incacha shook his head. "Read the papers, Enrique. Blair Sandburg made writings about guide/sentinel partnerships. It is what you need to know now to understand why he cannot be what you need."  
  
"A sentinel is not meant to walk alone. I have seen what that can do," he barely suppressed a shudder at the thought of Alex Barnes. He also remembered his own attempt to go it alone, not something he wanted to try again. The blackness of not knowing frightened him.  
  
"Another will be sent to replace the one who proved unworthy of you."  
  
Jim shook his head, "another will not do, Incacha. I need Blair. We stumble through this together and it is him who has consistently pulled me through. And nothing in there will change my opinion."  
  
The smile he received was bittersweet, "we shall see. Read."  
  
He sighed but read, skimming most of it. Blair had gone back and made it less static and more personal, which made reading even the most wince worthy parts okay. When he reached the part about the guide's role, he slowed down and started to devour it.  
  
'The role of a guide is debatable. What exactly is the function of the guide? Is he in the dominant or the submissive position? Is he a slave or master? The answer to both questions is neither. The key word to describe sentinel and guide relationships is: partner.  
  
They are to be equals in this working relationship otherwise trust cannot be established. And trust is vital because a sentinel has to know that they can depend on their guide to pull them through their zone outs. The guide, on the other hand, has to be able to trust their sentinel to protect them. This is not to say that the guide is helpless but his whole focus is on protecting his sentinel.  
  
They literally hold each other's lives in their hands. Without trust, there is no true partnership and therefore, no bond. And this bond is vital for the survival of the tribe, which depends on both halves to make a whole and help them prosper.  
  
You will note that in relation to the guide, I have continually used the word 'he'. Yes, the job of guide is gender specific. This is not to dismiss the abilities of females. In fact, many sentinels have been women. They are among the strongest of the sentinels. The genetic abilities of sentinel and guide are passed down through the mother's side.  
  
But the guide cannot be female because of the menstrual cycle. The smell of blood-even dead blood-upon the guide would cause the sentinel to lose perspective. Some sentinels even have a sixth sense, that the ability to feel another's pain. Once a month, the guide would be rendered useless and thus, the sentinel ineffective.'  
  
Jim paused, thought about what he just read, then nodded. It made sense. The thought that he'd failed to protect his guide was one that haunted him-and to have that kind of pain echoing after the guide every month, it would test the level of endurance of even the strongest sentinel.  
  
Then his lips curled up, Sandburg's a woman? He found the ideal absolutely and deliciously ironic. Most men always wanted to know what a woman thought, how they felt. Now, Blair was in the unique position to know.  
  
And was totally alone to deal with it.  
  
That thought sobered him again. Did it change anything?  
  
His phone rang before he came to any serious conclusions, "Ellison."  
  
"Jim. Where's Sandburg? I found his observer's pass on my desk and a quick search revealed that his things are gone. No one saw him come in, no one saw him leave. Should he even be out of the hospital?" Simon couldn't keep the worry out of his irate speech.  
  
"Ah, no. He shouldn't but I haven't seen him since we got back. I did tell him to go to the hospital after he took care of things at Rainier and dropped his stuff off at home. But when I came in, everything was as I left it-except I found his key and a letter from him."  
  
"You haven't made up yet?"  
  
Jim sighed, "I was too obsessed with the case to talk to him much."  
  
"I thought you two were doing better, you two were rather chummy in Mexico."  
  
"So did I but you were right, I was really rough on him." Jim rubbed his head, thinking of the letter's tone. "He honestly thinks I don't trust him. I was going to fix things up properly once we were both here, at home. I thought that once the Barnes mess was handled, I would be able to think clearly and talk about it. Seems I was wrong."  
  
"Well, find Sandburg and fix it. I don't want to handle pre-Sandburg Ellison."  
  
"I wasn't that bad," he protested, hearing Simon's snort of derision. "I'll find him, sir."  
  
There was silence after his answer then, "do you need anything, Jim?"  
  
"Not at the moment. But when I do, you'll be the first person I call." They said their good-byes and hung up, Jim turned back to the dissertation.  
  
But he put it down, nothing he had read helped him any. Nor did it change his mind. So, now what was he to do? He thought about the enigma that was Blair Sandburg. What did he really know of the student? Mentally he made up a list.  
  
Talkative. It used to irritate him, now it was just something that was there for him.  
  
Energetic. More so than any group of people.  
  
Peaceful. Well, at least that's the affect Blair always created for him once he'd just stopped trying to do everything at once.  
  
Creative. No one came close to figuring out how to control and test his senses like he did.  
  
Studious. He never quit trying to find ways to help, new things to try.  
  
Thoughtful. Not always, but he did try to help him through his sicknesses since medicines were off the list.  
  
Insightful. The comment about his fear being the reason behind many of his decisions hurt, but it was truth.  
  
Adaptable. Blair had had to be to survive the life he'd lived with Naomi.  
  
Impulsive. He shivered as he thought of some of the situations that desire to help had caused Blair to rush in and nearly get killed.  
  
Thorough. Again, he shivered though for a different reason. His friend's thoroughness had caused them both to go without sleep sometimes-unless Jim put his foot down.  
  
Inquisitive. That was something to smile about. That's what had brought them together in the first place.  
  
Jim sighed, this was taking to long. Blair could hide anywhere easily. His youth had given him any number of places to hide. Any number of ways to blend in. The whole world was his playground-though he should start thinking of Blair as a her-where would she hide? And didn't that just sound odd, he mused.  
  
In plain sight, he reached for his phone, stopping suddenly. Blair knew him as well as he knew her-sort of. More than once they'd had a discussion on how she had managed to avoid trouble. She stayed in the most obvious of places and it mostly worked.  
  
So, go for the exact opposite of Sandburg's profile. And what could be further from his friend than getting a job with the military. "Simon, I have an idea about where Sandburg is but I'm going to need some time off."  
  
"You've got it."  
  
"Thanks," he then called in a few favors from some old 'friends'.  
  
**  
  
Blair shifted in her chair. Cheyenne Mountain, never thought I'd find myself working here but...it was the only job she could get. Jim would look for her in the academic world. He might even look in law enforcement and that was something she couldn't allow.  
  
Her doctorate in linguistics came in handy, since Dr. Jackson had gone home to be with his wife. And it was interesting work, the military aspect aside. She had been required to do some fire arm training-and had thrown herself into it willingly upon learning of the threat from the goa'uld.  
  
Now, Major General Samantha Carter was placing her on a newly formed team, the leader as yet to be determined. It wasn't that she was nervous, she just wished they knew more about this man who would be their leader. He was not air force and new to the Stargate program.  
  
A tingle of awareness touched her mind and she covertly looked around. Everything seemed to be all right. Teal'c's son, Ry'ac sat in the seat across from Sergeant Martha Mills. Yet the feeling wouldn't go away. It only increased the more Blair tried to ignore it.  
  
It was almost like the feeling she got whenever Jim was around. But that couldn't be. He was safe, back in Cascade, under the guidance of another.  
  
Or so she hoped.  
  
With Jim, it was never a good idea to try to second guess him. In all likelihood, he had given up his sentinel abilities. He knew how to do that thanks to Incacha. It was something she feared and would never forgive herself for if she was at fault for it.  
  
General Carter entered the room and indicated that they stay in their seats. Handing out a thin file folder, they waited for her to open the meeting. Instead, she gestured for the person in the doorway to enter.  
  
"Dr. Sandburg, Ry'ac, Sergeant Mills, this is Captain James Ellison," she gestured to each of them in time to their names. Each had their own way of acknowledging him. "Captain Ellison, may I present Dr. Sandburg, Ry'ac, and Sergeant Mills, your possible team."  
  
No way, man, Blair thought even as her eyes met his. The familiar pale blue danced with laughter, though his face remained calm. "Hello," he greeted and saluted, before sitting down in the seat across from Blair. He was thankful for the informal setting, otherwise he mightn't have been able to remain on his feet.  
  
There was a fragility about Blair that hadn't been there before. She seemed smaller somehow, but no less dynamic.  
  
"Now, there are a few things to be taken into consideration. Captain Ellison has informed me that he is a sentinel. That means his senses are more advanced than our own, with the exception of our Jaffa allies. The information is in your folders, compiled over a three year study by our own Dr. Sandburg," she paused. Other than paling slightly at the mention of her work, Blair remained composed. "After you read it, I want to know if there will be any discomfort in working with Captain Ellison. The last thing we need is distrust when in the field. We'll reconvene at 0900 tomorrow. Dr. Sandburg, my office."  
  
She silently followed her into her office, closing the door behind her. Jim waited outside, unashamed to listen in on their conversation. It was his future they'd be discussing after all.  
  
"Why didn't you tell me?"  
  
"About?" Blair stalled, trying to figure out what the general was hinting at.  
  
"Blair, you wrote a thesis on sentinels. You spent three years observing a police station to stay close to the subject of your thesis. Not to mention, dying a few weeks ago. Why?"  
  
Blair shrugged and sat down, "I didn't think there was any point dredging up a past that I thought would be quickly forgotten. I thought to spare Jim the pain of being reminded of the aberration that is me. As for dying, it was a blur to me."  
  
"You might've needed some counseling," she said dryly.  
  
She laughed, "over dying? Man, I think not. The sex change, that is something I can see easily."  
  
"Yes, I was wondering about that. You don't seem the type. But if you didn't decide to do this then how did it happen?" Carter asked, fingering her pen idly before putting it down.  
  
"I failed in my duty as a guide and put myself first. This was my punishment. The reason behind it is detailed in that thesis." She gestured towards the folder on the desk.  
  
Sam changed the subject, "Jim came here specifically for you. Considering all he went through to find you, I don't think he has a problem with what you did. So, I know that he's not going to be bothered by close proximity with you. But you, I'm not so sure of. Is this going to be a problem for you?"  
  
"I think he's just comfortable with me," she avoided the question.  
  
"That's not the impression I got, have you talked to him at all?" Silence greeted the question and she nodded knowingly, "I thought not. So I ask again, will this affect your ability to work with him?"  
  
"Of course not."  
  
Her head shook, "I'm don't believe you. I want you to work things out, we need both of you in the field. And from what I read, he needs you to survive."  
  
It was a dismissal.  
  
Blair nodded, leaving the office deep in though-until she bumped into Jim. "You heard?"  
  
He nodded, "what now, Chief?"  
  
Blair shrugged, "my office would be a good place to talk. No one will disturb us, at least for a while."  
  
"Dr. Sandburg, huh? I thought you were working on that doctorate, seems you already have it. What other surprises do you have in store for me?" Jim began their conversation on relatively neutral ground, mixing in some good natured teasing.  
  
"I was working on my anthropology doctorate. When I was 19, I earned my doctorate in languages," she closed the door. "What are you doing here, Jim?"  
  
"Well, my guide, my partner, is here. Where else would I be but here," he replied. "Chief, you left without giving my a chance to defend myself."  
  
"Defend yourself? I'm the one who is in error here, not you."  
  
"Not so, I shut you out. I threw you out without explaining what was going on. I never gave you the chance to help me-even though I knew that you could give me insight, clarity into what was wrong with me. I knew I should have pulled you in and not let go-even if it meant chaining you to my side. I started this whole fiasco." Jim paced the room, feeling the walls close in around him. But Blair's presence shoved it back.  
  
"Because I broke trust with you first," Blair objected. "It was my fault. I should've told you when I figured out what Alex Barnes, even if it was just a hunch."  
  
He shook his head, "I didn't let you. And I shouldn't have let Simon stop you from discussing the jaguar. If we had talked about it then, we would've known it was a warning of some kind."  
  
"No, Jim, you didn't do anything wrong. I broke trust when I continued to write my thesis on you. It wasn't something I could ever publish, I couldn't change it to protect you. Yet, I persisted in using you as an experiment. I had everything in your friendship, why did I continue down the path without thinking things through?"  
  
"It was your life, Chief," Jim argued, resting a hand on her shoulder. "A vital part of who you are. I knew that when I allowed you in-even when it was painful for me."  
  
"You are my life, Jim. I saw that clearly in Peru. I accepted it when I met Incacha. How could I have asked for more?"  
  
"Okay, enough with the martyr game. We can play this place the blame solely on ourselves and exonerate each other or we can both admit we were wrong and figure out how to move past it." Jim said, getting annoyed with the constant back and forth they kept doing. It was not doing either of them any good. "Personally, I prefer option number two."  
  
Blair nodded and they both sat down on the stools, staring at each other. She looked at him expectantly and he held up his hand. "Hey, this is more your type of thing than my own. I don't talk easily. Nor half so eloquently."  
  
"But when you do, I listen," Blair murmured.  
  
Jim half-smiled, "so, let's deal with the huge elephant between us, Alex Barnes."  
  
She groaned, "can't we start with something easier, like ending world hunger?"  
  
"Blair," he began, "we have to talk about this is order to discuss your..." he trailed off, unable to force words past a suddenly tight throat.  
  
"Recent dip into gayness?" Blair quipped, trying to lighten the mood. Then, when he didn't even crack a smile, spoke quietly. "died? It's okay to say it, Jim. I died. I died and you brought me back."  
  
"Then left you alone to deal with it while I chased after Alexis Barnes," Jim spat out the words bitterly.  
  
She reached for his hand, "you didn't leave me alone just because your body was no longer by my side. I feel you, Jim, right here." With a deliberate motion, she moved their entwined hands to rest against her beating heart. "This is where you live, even more so since our merge. Because I told you already, it's about friendship.. As for Alex, you did what you had to do."  
  
"And if you hadn't followed me I would've made the stupidest mistake of my life."  
  
"You were being driven by something beyond your ken, Jim. Beyond your understanding."  
  
"That's no excuse for what I did. I left you open for danger, to be trapped by the other forces that were there. My desire for Alex made me forget the other dangers that lay in the jungle. You could've died, Connor could've died and for what? Some primal urge to mate with what my sentinel saw as an equal?"  
  
"Never said it was an excuse, only that I existed," she replied, "but you came out of it stronger. You know what you're made of now. I think this was something that had to happen to stop your fence sitting."  
  
"What do you mean?" he asked sharply.  
  
"Just that you never fully accepted of rejected your abilities. You've been offered both options several times, yet you've never really given it up. Or embraced it. Your senses were a weapon to you, to be used when you wanted and discarded when not needed. And that isn't possible when it is a part of you, Jim. Sooner or later, something had to give," Blair mused, "we're just lucky that it was only on a small scale, nothing to major."  
  
"Except that it damaged our friendship-and caused me to doubt myself."  
  
"What doesn't kill us only makes us stronger, my friend. And the fact that you are sitting there means its only bent."  
  
"Why do you say that?"  
  
"Come on, man, the fact that I'm a woman and you aren't fleeing from me, in fact, you are treating me normally, means a lot to me. You knew me before this, you saw where my tastes lay, and aren't freaking out."  
  
"Just because your outside has changed doesn't change who you are inside. You could be a three headed, stinky, puss oozing alien with a snake in your head telling you to dance the hokey pokey with everyone you see and you'd still be Blair Sandburg to me." He told her with a straight face.  
  
"Back up a minute, man, define the snake you're referring to 'cause there are some nasty ones out there."  
  
"The none evil ones," Jim clarified.  
  
Blair's nose wrinkled, pondering the image Jim painted. "That's just great, glad to know where we stand. But what happens if..."  
  
"But if you get bad snaked, I promise to kill you before you do something you regret."  
  
"What a friend," Blair laughed, "so, we're good?"  
  
"As long as you return the favor, we're better than good." Jim agreed, knowing that, though it would be painful, Blair would do it in a heartbeat. "So, what do you miss the most?"  
  
"Everything. Being a guy was way less complicated, man. Here I am having to examine everything I say or hear just to make sure there's no hidden meanings or pit falls. I've already fallen into a few traps because I wasn't careful with my words. And try changing the habits of a life time to avoid the odd looks, its just too weird."  
  
Jim smiled, evilly. "Oh, I'm going to enjoy watching the "Feminine Blair Experiment". Mind if I take notes and suggest a few controlled experiments to see the extent of the change and how it works under different circumstances?"  
  
"Oh, laugh it up, big guy."  
  
"I intend to, Chief." Jim smiled, getting up to leave the room. "Want to get a bite to eat? I warn you, they won't allow you to get away with some of that new age food you like."  
  
Blair sighed, "yeah, I tried. You all are set on driving yourselves into an early grave."  
  
"But what a way to go," he replied, slinging an arm over Blair's shoulder and guiding them out the door.  
  
The End.  
  
Author's Note #2: Does this seem like barely disguised slash? If so, I apologize. I don't mean to do that, I'd rather be open and honest about what I'm writing. Anyway, I'd appreciate hearing what you think of it-even if it is flamey. Just don't be negative about me. That will not help my work any, it really won't. 


End file.
